party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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