Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
