I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
