You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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