I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize