dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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