A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
