took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
