we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Me too!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
