so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
