I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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