we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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