I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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