While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
