I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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