how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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