If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
