whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
