Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
