You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
