mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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