I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
