He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
