There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
