Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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