I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize