I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
