Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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