I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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