This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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