Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
