You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
