I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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