Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
