Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
