My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
