dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
