found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
