Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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