well you can't waste a boner
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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