i would punch a child for taco bell
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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