I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
