If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
