In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
