I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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