I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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