Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
