She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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