its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
