you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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