I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think a kid would responsible me up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
