Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
