I am spending my child support on dildos
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize