She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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