so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
