Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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