I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
