One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
how drunk are you?
Several
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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