no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
