Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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