dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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