hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
