it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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