You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
