There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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