Umm I'm too high to move.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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