fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
