My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
