i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
