And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
