i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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