Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
