All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
