I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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