Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
