So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
