obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
