Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
