I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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